Accounting for Decision Makers

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Robert Frost

As I remember this poem from my literature studies in high school, I find myself questioning it’s importance. Decisions; I mean. As a Christian, being called to make Christ-like decisions is drilled into your head in Sunday School.

 Be a man, do the right thing.

What would Jesus do?

Thus I learned that there were two main philosophies in life people chose from:

1. You only live once, do whatever you want.

Or

2. You only live once, do it right.

Sometimes what I want isn’t always right, moral, Christian and upstanding. Sometimes I desire the immoral, the demonic and what some  people might call  less-than-human. Sometimes my angel won’t make nice with my devil.  

When I was 7, it was easy to side with the angel. Life was clear cut. Black. White.

As I grow older life is still black and white but my vision gets a little blurry. Suddenly I see more gray areas. Suddenly it’s harder to say “No”. Suddenly the devil seems a little louder, a little stronger, a little more attractive. 

There’s a reason why the road less travelled is, well, less travelled. It is full of thickets, thorns and thistles. My walk on this path is starting to cost me. I have scratches everywhere. My feet blister. I’m bleeding more often. I want to turn back. I don’t see the relief those who came this way speak of. If anything, my salvation seems further.

I gotta ask myself; “Why am I doing this again?”

Fear?

Obedience?

Love?

Familiarity?

Guilt?

I know no other way?

In Your defense, You never promised me a ray of light. You never promised there’d be sushine everyday.

In this world you will have trouble- John 16:33

I never signed up for this.

I will show him how much he must suffer for My name- Acts 9:16

Damn. Should’ve read the fine print.

Now that I know the primal cognitive dissonance stirring in my bowels is just the beginning of what life will put me through simply because I have chosen You, would You let me out of this contract so I can runaway from this path?

I consider that [your] present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed. The moment [you] get tired in the waiting, [I'm] right alongside helping [you]. If [you] don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter.  [I] know [you] far better than [you] know [yourself]. [I] knew what [I] was doing from the very beginning. That’s why [you] can be so sure that every detail in [your] life of love for [Me] is worked into something good. -Romans 8:18-30

Sigh.

Two roads diverged in the path and I-

I shall take the one less travelled by…

It ain’t over ’till the fat lady sings

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Heb 11:1

I am sure you are staying.

We are supposed to believe for miracles. What are miracles? Things most unlikely to happen. Which is more likely: That she would stay or that she would leave? It is easier to believe she is going because that is natural. But where is God’s hand in that?

Why won’t you declare with me that she will stay?! Do you doubt God will come through for the very thing He promised her before she even left for Adelaide?

Which is God more likely to do, the possible and natural, or the impossible and supernatural? In which case would God’s name be glorified?! If she stays or if she goes?!

Why do we say, “Whatever happens happens? Que sera, sera. If you go, it’s the Lord’s will. If you stay, Hallelujah, it’s the Lords will”?

If that is true; that it took no effort to have faith, why the heck are we told to fight the good fight of faith?! Why are we called prayer warriors??! Why are we asked to stand firm in the faith if it is something that does not waver?!

God is not a man that He should lie. Don’t mock Him by being lukewarm. You insult His intelligence when you think He doesn’t know that you can’t decide if He will come through or not.

We disrespect God by [idly] going through the motions. Either you believe everything God says, or nothing at all.
Mark Anderson

There is a fence. Either you believe with absolute conviction He will come through or don’t.

Que sera sera won’t cut it.

When I couldn’t decide, He reached out His hand to catch mine and asked me,

“You of little faith, why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:31

Now that I have chosen a side, I say to the lovely woman praying with me:

“Remember His marvellous works that He has done, His wonders, and the judgments of His mouth. Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. For in just a very little while, He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”
J.Christ

To those on the other side of the fence:

“Shun the non-believer, Shhuuuunnnnn!!!!” Charlie the Unicorn

“When the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” ~Luke 18:8~

I don’t need an occassion

I love you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Princess Diana (the “most” photographed woman in the world) doesn’t even come close. I’m so proud to show you off because you are beautiful inside and out.

I can’t believe my blessing that out of all the mothers in the world, I, by a stroke of pure divinity, got the best. That best was you; something I did nothing to deserve or earn.

Thank you for bringing me up knowing Jesus.

Thank you for always putting my needs before yours.

Thank you for loving me so much I can’t even understand it.

Thank you for always encouraging when I didn’t think I could walk a step further.

Thank you for giving me space to grow and fly out of the nest.

Thank you for advising me and never sparing the rod so my conscience was not boxed away.

Thank you for always doing your best as a mother and a wife even if life dealt you a difficult hand.

Thank you for never giving up on me and believing that I will amount to something in life.

I am who I am because you chose to love me and chose to be my mother when I was not behaving like a daughter. I want to make you proud. I want to make the right decisions. I want to be a Godly wife and make the right choices that I couldn’t make if you hadn’t made them first. I want to bring up my children knowing God. I want to always love God sincerely. I want to because you suceeded in doing them first.

Words really cannot express the gratitude I feel now that it’s so much more clearer; the sacrifices you made were always unselfish and always were for others.

You made the right choices when it mattered. and I know I can too.

P.S. and for the record, I always remember the X pints of blood you shed for me on the surgical bed. and it’s fine if you keep reminding me of them, because I know those are times you feel I should’ve known better than to treat you with disrespect.

I can’t promise I’ll know better in the future because your unselfishness makes it so easy to take you for granted. But I promise you I will do my best to honour you, not simply because ‘the Bible tells me so’ but because I want to. Because you deserve it. Because I love you. Because you’re my closest friend.

I don’t tell you this enough: You are the best thing in my life. That won’t change anytime soon.

*raises a toast* To the most beautiful woman in the world.

A Proverb written as if just for you.

A wife of noble character who can find?
[MY mother] is worth far more than rubies.

[Papa] has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

[Mummy] brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.

[My Mummy] is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.

[My Mummy] speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.

[Roshini, Arun and Sumi] arise and call her blessed;
[Papa] also, and he praises her:

“Many women do noble things,
but you [Rajalakshmi Murugasu] surpass them all.”

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (That’s you!)

Give her the reward she has earned,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

My mom is a neverending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune. ~Graycie Harmon

Ah, brilliant! My cloak of invisibility works!

“I’m just a name on the roster.” “No one is indispensable, I can be replaced.” “It wouldn’t matter if I was even here.” “It’s only a matter of time before they figure out I don’t belong in this team.” “Oh God, I’m such a square head in a round hole!” ~Anonymous~

 

 Why is it we don’t see our value where God has placed us until Insecurity has done the damage? 

Faith is not so much [a numerical or quantifiable] amount, more so believing in the size of God. Daniel Thornton 

Thornton’s Arm’s Length Principle 

Suppose I were standing in front of you, if you stretched out your hand; palm facing me at an arm’s length, your palm would prolly be as big as my face. 

Ahhh but suppose if you brought your hands closer to your face, focused if you would, (maybe riiiiight in front of your eyes), then your palm would be bigger than me or your palm would be all you see!

Freaky isn't it?

Faith is the lenses through which we see God that ultimately affects what we allow Him to do in our lives. Daniel Thornton 

A lack of faith in how God see’s He can use you can cause you to lose out on your destiny. That lack of faith may be a direct result from a distorted, blurry, obsolete and invalid perception of God. 

Perception is reality. Anonymous 

I claimed I had faith in Him but how did I see the One who created me? He was only as big as my imagination allowed Him to be. How did I perceive Jesus? To what degree did I believe He was capable of knocking my socks off on a daily basis? How come Peter managed to get it right?! How did I need to see God? 

 

 

When I cannot see Jesus for who He is and everything that He capacitates, I need to refocus my lenses or get a new pair of glasses. 

“Where there is no vision, [My] people perish”
Proverbs 29:18 

So now with my refocused optics, what would I see?

“I [would] see a generation, rising up to take their place, with selfless faith.
Brooke Fraser

If I keep Him at an arm’s length, then He might as well be as big as my palm, but if I gigapixel-ed Him closer, then He’s definitely bigger than me and maybe, just maybe, one day He’ll be ALL I can see. 

=) 

Isaiah 43:19  

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

A frozen sculpture of latent anger and resentment

Two questions posed to me recently really bothered me. But not as much as how I answered them:

1. Is there someone you find hard to love? If so, why do you find it difficult?

Yes, there is. One. Because he is an ass. And God would understand if He met this guy who happens to be a pimple on the face that is my life.

2. What practical things can you do to demonstrate love towards the person you find difficult to love?

I would physically hurt him, which is a step up from what I originally wanted to do. Or I would stay far, far away. Even if I don’t love him, at least I won’t fester the hate.

Answering the questions the way I did really showed me how bitter I was towards this

one person. I became someone harbouring feelings I never thought I would have and all I could think about was how I didn’t want to be in this place; a place where I had crossed over from bridling to bitterness without even knowing it.

So I set out to find this root of bitterness, understand it and defeat it before it had a chance to creep into my grave.

My Bitter Quest

What is bitterness?

A natural result of learning the hard way that you ain’t all that.Anonymous

  

 

 

 How do I KNOW I have become a bitter person?

According to the Poison Tree Hypothesis, a bitter person remembers everything in de tail; The time of offense, the place, the offender, the offense, you get the idea.

It seemed as if I didn’t want to forget what had happenned; like I enjoyed it eating me from the inside out; like I couldn’t, no, wouldn’t allow myself to forget what had happened but instead held on. And after all that time I spent dwelling on it, I may have well exaggerated it to be worse than what it actually was.

How did it all begin?

 

I believe it all began because he hurt me and didn’t say sorry =(

Bitterness Theorem

Bitterness leaves a stain that cannot be wiped away easily.

Michael Raj

The bitterness made it impossible for me to learn to love this guy. In fact, it was easier to forgive and forget than for me to forgive and love him.

And I wanted to love him. For one very important reason:

Whoever does not love does not know God, because

God is love.

1 John 4:8

 

Overcoming Bitterness
1) Admit that you have ill-will towards the offender.
2) Acknowledge that bitterness isn’t the sin of the offender but a result of what you chose to do with the offense.
3) Deal with:
(a) the person by apologising for harbouring that resentment and/or
(b) with God by confessing and asking Him to liberate you from the shackles that keep you from moving forward.

He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!

John 8:36

 

The Doughnut Imperative

Mummy: Sumie, obey God’s word and love Him with all your heart, soul and mind.

Sumie at age 10: Why?

Mummy: Because I said so.

Sumie at age 10: Oh, okie =)

As I grew up, “Because I said so” wasn’t a good enough reason to “give it ALL” to Jesus. There had to be something more. Something to drive what I was doing. A bigger WHY behind my WHAT’s. A purpose for the passion behind the pursuit.

Don’t you realize that everyone who runs in a race runs to win, but only one runner gets the prize? Run like them, so that you can win.1 Corinthians 9:24

It seemed relentless; this pursuit. Running after a prize I knew nothing of except that it was there and if I played my cards right, it would belong to me.

What was this prize? What exactly was I working for here? Why pray for the salvation of housemates who prolly think all I’m good for is keeping expired food in the fridge? Why was I striving so hard to make it here when I’m going to be gone from Adelaide in a sneeze?

I was looking for something in it for me. An incentive, if you will.

I was looking for a doughnut.

Coincidentally, there are a few doughnuts lying around in the Bible.

Malachi 3:10, Ecc 11:2, Prov 3:9, Luke 6:38; to name a few.

Doughnuts are not always easy to spot. It’s an art. Examples, you ask for?

Tithing Flavoured Doughnut

 

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse…Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. ~Malachi 3:10 ~

Did you see the doughnut? No? Have another go: 

Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse…Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much doughnuts that you will not have room enough for it. ~Malachi 3:10 ~

 

 Trusting-God Flavoured Doughnut

O LORD Almighty,

blessed is the man who trusts in you.

~Psalms 84:12 ~  

Translates into: 

O LORD Almighty,

Doughnuts is the man who trusts in you.

Funny thing about these doughnuts are that they are conditional. You always have to do something first, then get the doughnuts. It seems like one would carry out the conditions simply for the doughnuts. But something in the heart of a doughnut-eater KNOWS it isn’t ultimately about doughnuts.

It’s a desire to one day finally do it for all the right reasons, doughnuts excluded. An aspiration to want Him to dominate your heart; festering wounds and all. It’s an eagerness to eventually come to a place where the doughnuts don’t matter but you’re doing it simply because you love Him.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only what you are expecting to give — which is everything. Katherine Hepburn

Your love, still amazes me. Philips, Craig and Dean

 

 

A little lesson for Ally K and the non-married

This is one of those awkward mother-daughter moments that I’ve felt compelled to do simply because I can’t sleep until I write this. It all started when Ally K told me she had not ever heard of the sex curve. Well, here’s a little sex-ed for you, my dearest Ally K. With love. Sumie.

The Sex Curve

Purpose of curve:

Okay, you’re coming to that age where it’s hard to control your, um, needs(?!). And you’re gonna be around the opposite sex a lot. I’m guessing it gets harder especially with these guys walking around:

And as young men and women, its important to know your physical boundaries. Especially with the ones you love, or want to love.

So here’s what the curve looks like:
 

The relationship between T and P is exponentially linear, meaning the probability of having sex increases exponentially as time alone with the opposite sex increases. It is crucial to avoid going past the minimum point.

Tips on overcoming the curve:

Don’t be alone with anyone of the opposite sex when you feel:

1)Down

2)Depressed

3)Like giving up on love or life

4)Like you ‘just want to talk to someone’

If all else fails… FLEE!!! Run, man, run! Get out of there! Mrs. Portiphar may have a piece of you but at least you’ll have the peace of mind.

So why bother embarassing myself talking about this?

1 Corinthians 6:16-20 (The Message)

There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.”

Since we want to become spiritually one with [Jesus], we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever.

In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another.

Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit?

Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for?

The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.

 

 

Nobody’s asking you to go all Mother Theresa and join the nun-nery or monk-ery. Just don’t test the waters that run deep. You can’t tell your limits until you realise you’ve gone too far. If it helps I think imagining your mother watching you pours a little cold water O__O

In the event you don’t heed my advice, at least heed the words of Baby Spice

Be a little bit wiser, baby, put it on. Two become one

*sigh*

This is just for fun *wink*

A Sinners Guide on ‘How to be an Oz Barbie’

Then [Jesus] said, “How can I picture God’s kingdom for you? What kind of story can I use? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches.” Luke 13:18-19

I must say I was surprised to hear Ps. Mark today talking about a mustard weed when for the past 13 ++ years I’ve always envisioned, well, a ginormous tree.

All I can say is, TGFG (Thank God for Google).

Apparently there’s more than 1 type of Mustard species O____O. There’s the ginormous tree, the weed killing creepers, the weed itself, etc. The mustard ‘tree’ Ps. Mark was talking about was in fact, a mustard ‘weed’. What was so special about this particular mustard weed was that once it was planted and started sporing, there’s virtually no possible way to stop it from taking over your entire garden. Not because it grew at the amazing speed of light but more so because it weighed one-tenth of a feather, was teeny-tiny and spreading by the agajabillions.

The Sporatic Mustard weed

And what is so special about a Pastor sizzling sozzies in the middle of a morning sermon? The whole congregation (and very possibly many passerby’s) can’t help but be affected by the smell wafting through the entire Lecture Theatre.

A Sporatic Pastor

That’s how I want my Christian life to be like. A sozzling sausage and sporatic mustard weed. In a way that there’s virtually no possible way to stop the Good News from spreading through me. Not because I am indestructble and unstoppable, but because I have a God who is. I want to be un-ignorable. I want to be able to say, “I can’t help but touch your life simply because you’re standing in my breathing space.“

Because of this decision we don’t evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at [Jesus] that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don’t look at Him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with [Jesus] gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and Him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with Himself through [Jesus], giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins. God has given us the task of telling everyone what He is doing. We’re Christ’s representatives.

God uses us to persuade men and women to drop their differences and enter into God’s work of making things right between them.

We’re speaking for Christ Himself now: Become friends with God; He’s already a friend with you.

‘How?’, you ask. In Christ. God put the wrong on Him who never did anything wrong, so we could be put right with God.

2 Chorinthians 5:18-21 [The Message]

It can take 30 seconds to change someone’s life.
Jason Lee

Is it possible to change someone’s life in half that time? I want to be able to.

My key to Heaven is that I have loved Jesus in the night.

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.
Mother Theresa

So much more than arithmetic

This prolly seems like a superfluous thing to say, but it is so hard to be perfect. Many have already come to terms with their imperfections. Sadly, I have not. Maybe because I know someone who made it all the way. Someone who showed me how it’s done. Someone who was, like me, tempted in every  way, yet was without sin. Someone so impossibly out-of-this-world pure in comparison to me that I don’t know why I bother trying to be like Him. Then again, there is a reason why He is God and He is at the top of the hierarchy. Still, knowing it is impossible, there is this inkling in my heart to want to try. Stirrings in the deepest recessess of my soul each morning excited at the prospect that today could be the day I don’t mess up at all.

I once knew a man, who felt so guilty about the wrong-doings in his life that each time he tripped, he would “owe God one.” Promising to atone for his sins.

Now I can’t say I’ve never done that before but it seems that ’owing God’ goes against everything I know about God and His grace.

Here’s the thing:

God = perfect. He hates anything that isn’t. I’m ≠  perfect.

These equations don’t make sense because:

God knows that. God still ♥ me.

Here’s the thing:

I’m ≠  perfect. I’m uncomfortable and inadequate and suffer extreme loss of self-esteem in the presence of anything that is perfect.
God = perfect.  

These equations don’t make sense either because:

I love being in God’s presence. God is everything I want and is whom I want to spend eternity with.

So I have agajabillion++ sins and a God who doesn’t care about them because, simply put: He ♥ Sumie.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. ~Hebrews 4:15~

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

~2 Chorinthians 12:9~

There’s obviously nothing I can do about my past mistakes but I strive towards the goal for the joy set before me. After all, tomorrow is another opportunity to try not to mess up *grins*.

I’ve been counting up all my wrongs,

One sorry for each star,

See I’d apologise my way to You,

If the Heavens stretched that far.

I won’t find what I am looking for, if I only ’see’ by keeping score,

‘Coz I know now You are so much more than arithmetic.

If I add, if I subtact, if I give it all, or try to take some back,

I’ve forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact, that YOU are the sum.

When the years are showing on my face,

And my strongest days are gone,

When my heart and flesh depart this place, 

From a life that sung Your song,

You’ll still be the one I want.

~Brooke Fraser (Arithmetic) ~

Each day I see more clearly how different as day&night we both are, yet somehow I can’t imagine my life without You. You’ll still be the one I want ::sumie::

Envy rotting my bones

It’s healthy to be content, but envy rots the bones.

~Proverbs 14:30~

I recently attended the Youth 2009 Entrepreneurship Convention at PWTC. Various entrepreneurs below 30 shared their experiences on how they started out small and wanted to make a change, not only in their life but to the Malaysian community as a whole. Their motivation for the betterment of society drove them to heights they could only have dreamed of before. They now not only bring in revenues for their own companies by the millions but have appeared in the pages of many leading magazines both locally and worldwide.

A solid 7 hours of listening to entrepreneur after entrepreneur trying to motivate their audience to make a difference where it matters should have been enough to get me starting my own business almost immediately after the convention; sell nasi lemak, start my own show, create my own clothing line, post my songs on YouTube…

All I could think about was what I was doing with my life. What was I contributing to my country. And then I started comparing myself with the 20-something entrepreneurs that have made it in the business world. There was one guy who made 1 million revenue when he was only 17. 17!!! For b’gosh sakes! When I was 17 I was busy failing my driver’s test 4 times. These people chased their dreams while I was chasing…uh…not important stuff. *cough*

It got me thinking, am I spending my given time and resources wisely? What have I got to show for all my dreaming of making a difference in Malaysia? Am I all-talk and no show? Don’t I have what it takes to lead an international organisation too? I’m going to be 21 this year, whose life have I changed? I can’t compete with a 22-year-old Guess model who won The Firm, represented Malaysia for rock climbing, played tennis with Nicole David, appeared on the cover of  Men’s Health magazine and organised a convention that included half the youth population in KL. Am I going anywhere? Is there ANY hope for Sumie? Then I started planning my self-pity party. Sadly, though I invited many, no one showed up. Thank God for family&friends who are honest enough to tell me to grow up. Realization hit me that I was inspired by the people I met but I was pursuing their dreams instead of doing my own soul-searching and figuring out what *I* wanted to achieve.

Where there is envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. ~James 3:16~

Why does God feel so strongly against envy? Why did He say “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbours stuff.”? Why does God describe envy as bone cancer; an incurable disease that leads to certain death?

The opposite of envy, I would derive, is contentment; being satisfied with who you are and what you have and where you, personally, are going.

“…Be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you nor forsake you.”~ Hebrews 13:5~

So maybe I’m not cut-out to be that entrepreneur that would be swimming in agajabillion dollars and showing up on Oprah. I think  can live with that. After all, I am 21. Life is just beginning.

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even ONE life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is to succeed.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson~